We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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