i already hear my dad disowning me
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
