there's paper in my vomit.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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