i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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