You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
