watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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