im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize