I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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