...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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