Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
