I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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