You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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