I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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