sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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