I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
