So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
