I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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