There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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