Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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