dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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