dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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