every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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