Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
sick fucks of a feather flock together
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
