she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize