Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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