Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
