I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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