I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
