my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
