My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
