Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
