Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
