he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
