she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
