Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
