i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
