the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
