I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
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He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
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I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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