Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
