Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
