I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
