Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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