he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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