im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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