I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
