If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
