I just made out with a guy for $7.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
