how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
