just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
