So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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