I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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