I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
