so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he fucked my hip out of place.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
