I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
